LISTEN

told you so.jpg

 

I’m not really sure where to start.  I have felt called to share this for days and have been at a loss for words.  Those of you who know me well, know that this is a rare occasion.  I am never at a loss for words!  I am honestly not sure if it has been a loss of words or lack of energy to actually sit down and write.  Either way, it’s time. 

I would like to start by saying I am incredibly grateful for my SO many things in my life.  I am not one to whine or complain, well not much anyway.  I have always prided myself on being strong and self-sufficient.  Sometimes, to a fault.  I share this story not so much for me, but for all of those out there who have a deep connection with their intuition, who hear it loud and clear.  Yet, for any number of reasons choose not to listen or allow others to convince them that their knowing is wrong.

This week I found out I have Lyme disease. It wasn’t easy getting to a diagnosis.  I am not really sure if it is new or not.  I believe it isn’t.  I had a tick bite 5-6 years ago, bulls eye and all.  I went to my PCP that week.  About a week later they tested me for Lyme and it was negative.  Of course, it never shows up that quickly.  In the years following I went to the doctor’s a handful of times complaining about extreme fatigue, joint pain and a general feeling of malaise. (along with other weird and random symptoms)   Each time some blood work was run, not a Lyme test because I was told I already had a negative test, and it was always normal.  I was then told I was fine and it was likely related to my Crohn’s disease and I could go see my GI if I wanted to.

What really gets me is that I knew I wasn’t okay.  I had a deep knowing that something was wrong, but I never pushed.  I didn’t want to appear whiny or too much.  It was easier to blindly trust the doctor than to really listen to my intuition and speak up.  Many times I have felt like I must be crazy.  That I must have a low tolerance for discomfort.  I basically accepted that tired and achy was my baseline.  I should say that before the tick bite I had some of these same symptoms and I was always able to attribute them to my Crohn’s.  But I have known this is different.

Well, as the universe will do when we don’t listen, it turned up the volume.  In addition to the fatigue and body aches I recently started having lots of neurological symptoms and exhaustion like nothing I have ever experienced. I honestly thought I might be becoming depressed or something else.  I just had zero energy for anything.

This time I chose a different path.  I sought out a naturopath that I knew would help me dig.  She believed me that I felt horrible and vowed to help me find the answer.  She started with all the regular blood work and the Lyme test (she suspected it from the start) that insurance will cover, which by the way comes back negative in the majority of people.  It’s basically useless.  The blood work came back showing I was anemic which could help explain some of the fatigue, but not all my symptoms.  I decided to pay out of pocket to have a more comprehensive Lyme test done.  Before the results were even back I began a 28-day course of Doxycycline because my provider was convinced it was that.  Then the positive result came back the other day. 

I have to say that I was relieved to have a diagnosis even though it is a scary one.  I now know I am not crazy.  I know that my intuition was on.  I am reading up and studying about Lyme and the different ways to treat it.  I am going into this eyes wide open and ready to rid my body of it.

Really all of this is to say, please, please, please listen to your intuition.  Not only listen, follow through.  Don’t ignore it.  Find someone who will listen and support you.  You KNOW.  I KNEW.  I had to listen and find my voice.  I had to refuse to take no for an answer.  You are the only one that lives in your body.  You understand better than anyone what is going on.  Believe in the knowing.

I write this as much for me as I do for you.  Thank you for sharing in my story, in my journey.  I am incredibly blessed to have so many people that love and support me. I am already building an amazing care team to help me get rid of this.  Doctors, acupuncturists, energy healers, herbalists. 

I went back and forth with whether to share this or not. I REALLY don’t want sympathy.  I will, however, fully receive any love, light or healing you want to send my way.  What I would really LOVE is for you to take some time out to tune in and listen to your own intuition.  Connect with your KNOWING and act on it!  Then you won’t end up like me with your intuition saying, I told you so.

PS.  Many of you know that I worked in the medical field most of my adult life.  I am in no way dissing the whole profession.  I will say that I was blessed to work for a doctor who would never stop until he had an answer for his patients.  Unfortunately, medicine has changed in such a way that docs can't spend enough time with their patients.  They are forced to see too many patients a day in order to stay in practice.  Insurance companies basically dictate the care we receive.  Okay, now i will get off my soapbox.  

IT'S ALL A CHOICE

 

Empath -  a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.

My whole life I have been an empath.  I have to admit, I never really understood that or what it meant until the last handful of years.  As a child and young adult, I always had the ability to feel out someone's energy and what it is they needed without even speaking to them. It made me, and still does, physically uncomfortable to see others suffering or sad.  I was always like Switzerland, trying to fit in with everyone, never wanting one person to feel more important than another.  This landed me lots of friends and accolades like, friendliest person in my class.  Yet, I never really knew what "it" was that drove all of this.   This thing that made me able to feel so deeply what others were feeling, sometimes to even know what they were thinking.

Since learning about empathy and what it all means I have swung from seeing it as a divine gift to a painful curse, depending on how I am feeling in my life at any given time.  Of late, I am able to see it as a beautiful gift, but let's back up for a moment.  Everything, and I mean everything, has a light and a shadow side.  Empathy is no different.  

The shadow side of being an empath is that if one is not in integrity with themselves and those around them, they can use their gift to be manipulative.  Let's face it, when you have the ability to know what someone is feeling, to feel out an entire room without much effort, you can use that information however you would like.  If your intent it control a situation or create a certain outcome, you can manipulate the people involved or situation at hand to do just that.  I have seen other empaths do this and I am sure I have done it myself at some point.

The opposite of this is the light side of empathy.  An empath can use their inherent spidey senses for the greater good.  They can help and support others.  By knowing how others feel and even being able to feel it in their own body, they can offer help in ways that others cannot.  In this way, the gift is used to help others heal and transform their lives.  This can be a very big responsibility and feel overwhelming at times.

I get to choose if I want to go deep with someone in this way.  It's a conscious choice. 

When I, or any other empath, choose to go deep and use our gifts to serve humanity and those around us, it is imperative that we take exquisite care of ourselves.  By putting ourselves first, engaging in lots of self-care and nurturing,  we can truly honor and utilize our gifts to their fullest.

When I take exquisite care of myself, I am able to see my empathy as a gift.

Deep and consistent self-care allows me to set and maintain clear boundaries around myself and my energy.  I am more radiant and a vibrate at a higher frequency.  I can truly be of service by coming at my life from a place of being filled up and turned on.

When I choose not to take care of myself first and put others ahead of me, that is when my empathy becomes a burden. I allow others to feed off my energy.  I begin to feel depleted, resentful and sad.  I want to be sure you heard what I said.  I choose whether or not to take care of myself.  It is a choice.  I get to dictate whether being an empath is a gift or a curse based on my own behavior and actions.

Realizing that all of this is a choice has been a HUGE awakening for me.  I am finding it especially important in these times of intense energy shifts and upheaval to choose wisely, both for myself and those I am here to serve.  My deepest desire is to be of service in a way that shares my gifts with those who need them.  This means making a commitment to myself to choose what lights me up and keeps me tapped into my own radiance and intuition.  

What are you choosing?  If you are feeling like your empathy is a burden or a weakness, how can you choose differently?

 

Is it Really as Easy as Taking a Bath?

Life can feel overwhelming and exhausting.  I know in my experience that managing two businesses while raising two boys and running a household can be challenging on many fronts.  It takes conscious effort and a fair amount of work to live in a state of joy and flow.  That said, feeling flow in my life is SO worth the work.

Many of us are looking for an easy solution, a magical pill.  

Well my friend, I can tell you that there is no such thing.   In order to find peace, flow and clarity you have to do the work.  The good news is there are magical ways to make doing the work seem less stressful and more simple.  My number one tool for getting out of overwhelm and a state of feeling stuck may seem too easy.  Do you want to know what it is?  Taking a bath!  Yes, you heard me right.  Taking a bath is one of my favorite, powerful ways to connect back to myself and my inner voice and my sense of calm.

Being in a state of connection with my deeper, authentic voice is the key to my personal and professional growth.

Let me clarify.  I know some of you are thinking wait, she is saying all I need to do is take a bath. That's too easy.  I don't even like to take baths.  Baths are gross.  I can hear all of the counter arguments now.  My go to way of connecting quickly and relaxing my mind and my body is to hop in a epsom salt bath, burn some candles and hang out with my crystals.  That is just MY way. 

There are SO many ways to connect with your intuition and your inner voice.  What you are aiming for with whatever it is you choose is an activity (or lack thereof) that allows you to get out of your head and into your body.  Something that gets you in your zone.

What is your zone?  It is that space where you are no longer "thinking".  You are feeling your way through things.  You are using your deeper intuition.  

Some other ways I know of to tap into your authentic voice are: yoga, walking, cooking, creating art, writing, meditating, running, gardening.   I could go on and on.  You get the point.  Pay attention when you are involved in activities in your life.  Find the ones that feel flowy and meditative.  You will know when you have found one when, at the end of it, you realize time flew by and you weren't even conscious of what you were doing.  

When you find your way of connecting, do LOTS of that!  Make it a priority.  Schedule time each week to fit it in.  

Then pay attention to how you feel afterwards.  Are you noticing more ease and more clarity, less overwhelm?  If so, keep up the good work.  It is so easy to keep ourselves busy these days.  We can easily ignore our intuition by busying ourselves with work, family and life in general.  Ignoring our inner voice can only go on for so long.

What starts out as a whisper from your soul, when not listened to, can turn into a scream or a hit over the head.

That can look like lots of things.  Some of those include: physical and emotional exhaustion, overwhelm, illness, depression, feelings of being lost or stuck.  I am sure all of us have felt some of these at one time or another.  When we live in a state of disconnection for too long, these feelings become our norm.  This is just not a necessary way of being.

My mission is to support everyone I can to tap into their intuition and inner voice and feel deeply connected to themselves and their desires.  That is why I am creating a new online group coaching program called 40 Days to Unearth Your Soul's Voice.   Participants in this course will receive a video prompt every day for 40 days that will offer ways to connect and tap in.  We will have a live call at 20 days and again at the end of the 40 days to talk about how things are going and answer any questions that come up.

Registration for 40 Days is going to open on May 23rd and the course begins on June 10th.  I would love for you to join me.  If you are interested, you can sign up to be on my list here: http://www.angieandrewsinspire.com.  That way you will be one of the first to know when it opens.  As an extra gift you will receive my e-book The Seeker's Guide to Radical Self-Care as well.

I would love to hear from you in the comments below.  What are they ways you currently connect with your intuition?  Are you tapping in?  Or do you feel like there is no time for that?  What keeps you from making time for you?

Sending you love and light.

Angie

Riding the Waves

I am learning to play.  Watching my kids and husband play in the ocean is just too enticing not to jump in and join them.  So, I take the plunge.  The waves here on Playa Cocles are pretty large and intense.  There is opportunity after opportunity to ride them and body surf.  This is all new to me.  It used to be, not too long ago, that I would not join in the fun, preferring instead to observe.  That seemed to be safer, less messy and, well, easier.

Looking back, that is kind of how I was showing up in my life.  Doing what was comfortable and what didn’t rock the boat.

I made a habit of not stretching myself.  Sure I was working hard, long hours at my JOB and exhausting my body and quite frankly my soul.  Interestingly, that seemed easier (or so I now see in hindsight) than listening to the call of my soul and following a path into the unknown.

In some ways my “asleep” life was easier.  But it was killing my soul a little at a time.

Almost three years down the path of my “awake” life I can say that there have been many challenging moments and plenty of bumps in the road. (and there continue to be)  Happily, I can also say that I have never felt more alive, joyful or free.  To some this would seem insane as I currently have no steady income, no defined plan for how that will happen and zero intention of having another 9-5 JOB.

Listening to your soul’s voice and taking action from that place is not always easy.  It is, however, always rewarding.

All of this came to me other other day as I was playing in the ocean with my boys.  You really have to be ready for anything when you are playing in the waves.  I chose to just close my eyes and trust.  As the waves would approach I would put my arms out and close my eyes.  Sometimes I would ride the wave in with ease and grace feeling carried by mama ocean.  Other times I would get thrown around and find myself thrashing, coming up for air with a nose and mouth full of saltwater, my hair full of sand.

The beauty was not only in those moments of ease and grace, but in coming up from those moments of uncertainty and thrashing with a smile on my face.

See when you live a heart centered life you can find beauty in all of it, the good, the bad and the ugly.  You experience gratitude, love and awe in every little thing.  Does that mean it always feels pleasant and rosy?  Hell no!  Yet, somehow it feels more right because it is aligned with your soul’s voice, your intuition.  There is a connection there to something bigger and more powerful than just your human body and form.

Living an “awake” and intuitive life in not for those seeking the easy path.

It is for those who are looking to connect with something deep within their hearts that is begging to be heard and honored with aligned action.  I know first hand how easy it can be to ignore that inner voice.  How much more comfortable it is to think no thanks, this all seems way more difficult than leaving my blinders on and plugging along like I have been.  I implore you to try listening.  I beg of you not to squash your intuition any longer.  Wake up to what really lights you up and makes you deeply happy.  By doing so you will encourage those around you to do the same.  What a beautiful world it would be if we were all lit up and living a heart centered existence. 

Ride the waves of life with an open heart, faith in your soul and a huge smile on your face.

Much love.

Angie

The Magic in Breathing

We so easily recognize the cycles of things in the natural world. 

The seasons.

The Moon. 

Our menstrual cycle. 

In most cases we see these things as regular, flowing occurrences that come and go with some semblance of order.  Perhaps this perception of what cyclical things look like confuses us when we are dealing with the cycles in our own lives.  We expect things should flow, one into another.  Yes, we tolerate bumps in the road, but when it comes to the unknown, I know I have a tendency to freak out a bit.  An example of this in my life would be when I encounter a funk or a period of time when I feel out of flow, out of touch with myself.  Keep in mind that as a coach and a healer I teach women to honor where they are in the moment.  I help them to focus on gratitude for the present,  for each experience.  Yet, when I find myself feeling a little down or a little lost, I start to judge myself and I start searching for answers.

Why to I feel this way?  What is going on?  How can I fix it?

I can hear the gremlin in my head say, “you know how to fix this.  Do what you need to do to get over it.”  Would I ever tell a client or a friend to just get over it?  Hell no!  What I fail to honor in those moments is that life is cyclical, but not predictable.  It is a series of ups and downs.  There are moments of immense joy and peace mixed with moments of fear and doubt.  And really, all of it is okay.  It all has a place.  

Why then do I freak out?  Because I am human. 

Human beings when faced with uncertainty will always have a moment of fear and doubt, a feeling of oh shit!  We wonder what is going to happen next.  

I myself, do not really enjoy this feeling, that is until I start to breathe.  I breathe really deeply and for a long time.  Then I find grace in acknowledging this feeling.  Acknowledging my humanness and surrendering into that. 

It is so interesting that we forget to breathe.  We forget the simplest thing.  Yes, obviously, we are breathing all the time.  Our body does it for us.  But it is often shallow and not done in a calming fashion.  In order to really benefit from deep breathing you need to breathe correctly. Here is how you do yogic breathing:  On the in breath the belly and chest expand and on the out breath the belly should contract and your belly button should push towards your spine.  I know I spent the first 42 years of my life breathing backwards.  Trying to always suck my belly in and not push it out.  There is magic in yogic breathing!

Could it really be that easy?  Stop. Observe. Breathe.  Relax.  

Will this solve all your problems or bring an end to your feelings of fear and doubt?  Surely not right away.  But a consistent practice of stopping to breathe DEEPLY and be in the moment can go a long way towards helping you to stop the feeling of freak out and surrender just a little bit to what is happening in the moment.  A long line of these moments strung together can truly transform how you experience your life.

The truth is that we create our own reality with our thoughts and our actions.  So it only makes sense that taking a few minutes now and then to breathe, surrender and be in the moment will create more peace and calm in your life. 

Does it change what is going on?  No.  Does it begin to create a new reality and a new way of being?  Absolutely.  

I love how small things done over time can change the landscape of our lives.  So today, just start with breathing.  Long, deep belly breaths for even 3 minutes a day will provide you a little respite from the stress and the chaos.  Over the course of days and weeks you will begin to see a new way of being emerge.   You will create a new reality.   

You are worthy of your own care and attention.

Much love.

Angie

Why All You Need To Know Is Your Why

1444153949438.jpeg

I used to plan everything.  I was never really concerned with why I was doing things as much as I was with how it would all roll out.  Planning, plotting, and scheduling were some of my favorite things to do, or so I thought.   Even as I write these words, my body becomes uneasy.  I am not sure I ever truly enjoyed or relished that way of being in the world.  I think I just thought that this is what you do.  Reflecting on some of the times when all my planning and plotting did not pan out the way I thought it would, I can see that I was setting myself up for failure, or at least that is how I perceived it.

What I did not fully grasp at that time is that I was not the one in control.  I never have been.  Ultimately, the divine will have the last say on how things shake out.  All I can control is my WHY.  Why am I doing what I am doing?  What is my intention?

You see, the divine (or God, universe, source, nature, higher power), is just waiting to serve us.  It wants us to be joyful, fulfilled and abundant.  The problem is without clarity around exactly why we desire what we do, it is unable to assist us in manifesting it.  If we are giving mixed signals or are wishy-washy about our why and/or our intention, there is no way for it to deliver.

By getting clear on the why behind our goals we provide the clarity and vision the divine needs.  We help the forces that be to help us.

I have to say that surrendering control of how the path unfolds in front of me has been one of the most difficult experiences I have had, but it has also been one of the most beautiful.  Each morning I set an intention of surrender in my morning self-care ritual.  I use a prayer I learned from Tosha Silver, “Divine Beloved, take me over and do what you will”.  I also say a prayer from Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love:

“Use me.  Where would you have to me go today?   What would you have me do today?  What would you have me say today?  And to whom?” 

I now have clarity around my why.  Here is a glimpse of it:  Because I have to. It is why I am here.  To be of service.  To spread love and light.  To be the healer I was sent here to be.  So, now I am able to surrender control to the divine and simply observe how the path unfolds.  I watch for signs and synchronicity.  I listen intently to my intuition.  I work to stay open and walk into the mystery life often presents.

At first this was scary.  It still is at times. However, it has also been one of the most freeing and joy producing experiences of my life.  I still work pretty much every day to embrace divine timing.  I am not by nature a patient being. I prefer things happen on my time line which is usually NOW.  This is getting easier with each passing day.

I would like to encourage you to explore this concept.  Perhaps do a little experiment in your life.  Spend some time getting clear on your why.  Then, surrender control of the how, if even for a dayor two.  Whether you pray or not, justput it out there that you are ready to be used by the universe in whatever way serves the world and you the most.  Once you have done that begin to be very observant of what happens in your life.  Who starts showing up?  What synchronicity’s are occurring?  What is your intuition nudging you to do?  To try?  Then follow the path and see where it leads you.

Have fun and enjoy the experiment.  I would love to know how it goes!

Wishing you peace and flow in your life.

Angie

Are You A Quitter? Or Are You Just A Dabbler?

When things got hard I used to quit.  That became my story.  It went something like this:

“You never finish anything you start.  You are a quitter.”

Looking back now I am realizing that this story was no more than the nasty ego gremlin making shit up to make me feel and remain small.  When I reflect on the things I didn’t finish: my masters in Psychology, the pre-med program and karate, (I could go on and on) I realize that it wasn’t’ because I couldn’t or because I as a quitter.  It was because I was redirected by the universe.  The redirection took various forms, but it was always there.

I am now embracing the idea that it is okay to dabble in things.  It’s okay to just give them a try.  How else will we know what lights usup and what doesn’t?  Instead of looking at it this way, I used to look at not following something all the way through as failure.  People in my life would comment about how I jump from one thing to another.  I took this as validation that I would never figure out what my true purpose was.  I know now that that is bullshit.

I was looking for purpose in my job and in other activities.  Hello!!  No one’s purpose here is there job.

Our purpose is to be who we really are deep inside and to share that with the world.  Yes, many times this lead to a business or career as we figure out how to best shine our own unique light in the world.  I have to say that realizing this and living my life in this way has been transformational for me.  How light and beautiful does it feel to think about approaching life this way?

I am here to be fully me, to shine my light and share my gifts with the world.

Knowing this allows everything else to fall into place.  I am not delusional.  I realize that this path, too, can be difficult and challenging.  Life is never about a constant state of happiness and bliss.  Life is a roller coater ride.  It has ups and it has downs.

What I have found is that coming from a place of knowing who I truly am, honoring that and living from that space, makes the ride much easier to handle. 

Now when I start something and I am partially through it and my gut and heart are not in feeling it, I spend some time assessing what I am really feeling and if it isn’t lighting me up, I let it go.  I have gratitude for the experience, but I know it is time to move on.  It is easier for me now to know what truly works in my life because when it gets hard or uncomfortable I have no desire to quit.  I KNOW this is just a bump in the road and I ride it out.  Don’t get me wrong.  I still have moments where I pitch a fit, have a freak out and throw my hands up in the air.  The difference is that now I know on the other side of this is calmness and a knowing that I am on the right path. 

If I continue being open to what life is handing me, while being fully myself and sharing my light with others, I can’t go wrong.

Living life in this way has already led me to so many beautiful things.  Since becoming more clear on why I am here, the how of it has begun to unfold before my eyes.

I encourage you to have faith and trust in your heart, the voice of the divine within.  When you do, life will unfold before you in a magical, beautiful way.

 

 

0 Likes

A Gentle (or not so gentle) Reminder from the Universe

SOMETIMES THE UNIVERSE REMINDS US THAT WE ARE ALL HERE TO LEARN

We are all here to feel life fully and deeply.

I am a teacher and a healer, but I am also a student.  I am frequently reminded that I am here to learn about exactly what it is I am teaching to others. It seems that when I start to lose sight of that, I receive some sort of nudge or in some cases, like the past week, I get a smack right up side the head from the universe!

Last week I started out a long travel week to California with a bad head cold.  I was pretty psyched to wake up the day of my flight feeling much better than I had been.  But I was also surprised to find a rash developing on my legs. I really didn’t think much of it.  I have pretty sensitive skin.  That is until I found myself getting ready to fly from New Jersey to Cali with a rash from head to toe.  It traveled up my body fast and was super hot and itchy.  MISERABLE! 

For an entire week I would spend my days training clients only to run back to my hotel at the end of the day and tear of my work clothes so I could soak in a cool tub.  Even after a shot in the ass of steroids and copious amounts of Benadryl and other antihistamines, it was no better. 

So you can imagine, that by the time my red eye home on Friday came around I was More than ready to get home.  As I parked my rental car,  I got an alert from the airline saying my flight was delayed.  Making my tight (1 hour) connection was not looking good.  By the time I got to the ticket counter it was obvious that I would not make my connection and my trip home was in jeopardy. 

The older gentleman helping me was SO sweet.  He was trying really hard to find me alternative flights home that would allow me to catch my 8:30am flight home from Newark the next morning.  As I watched him pound his keyboard, panic started to set in.  I was not in a headspace of acceptance and flow.  I wanted home NOW!  I tried deep breathing.  I was breathing in peace and love and breathing out doubt and fear, but I was still feeling panicked.

Then it happened, the man looked up and me and said, ma’am, I don’t think I am going to be able to get you home tomorrow. 

That was it.  I started to cry.  Tears poured down my face I the reality set in that I would not be home in the morning. 

I would proceed to cry and lose my shit several times before my delayed flight left later that night.

Why you might ask have I chosen to share this story with you.  I have chosen to share it because it shines a light so beautifully on what I teach women every day. 

We are not in control of how things unfold.  Life does not happen on our timeline.  It does not follow a defined set of rules.

It happens in divine order, in divine timing.  Our job is to flow with it and to find peace amidst the chaos.  We need to be willing to be open and surrender to what is in any given moment. I knew that.  I felt a tiny bit of surrender somewhere in my being, but I couldn’t grasp it.

I wanted it my way.  I wanted it on my time.

Once I allowed myself to feel sad and to cry, I was able to let go.  Immediately, I felt peace start to fall back in, despite the incessant itching and exhaustion.  I finished out the trip focusing on how I could best take care of myself in this situation, in that moment.

I plugged back into a space of surrender and trust that all would unfold as it was meant to.

I did not make it home at my scheduled time, but I did get home safely and with plenty of time to hand out with my family.

I am thankful to the divine and the universe for the reminder.  My only responsibility is to know what I choose to feel and create in my life and make choices based on that

How it all unfolds, well that is really none of my business.

Wishing you peace and flow in your life.

Much love.

Angie

A Shared Struggle: Worthiness

Worthiness.  What does it really mean to be worthy?  Why is it so important?  These questions and others like it have been rolling around in my brain for weeks.  As a self-care coach and mentor to women it is my honor and privilege to help women realize and grasp their own inherent self-worth.  After all, self-love and self-worth are necessary for one to dive deep into self-care.  Isn’t that the foundation and driving force behind wanting to care for and connect with oneself on a deeper level?  I believe it is!

What I am figuring out is that loving yourself and feeling worthy is not and end point goal.  What do I mean by that?

I mean that worthiness is a journey and not a destination. 

It is an experience that changes in look and feel daily.  Just like a river, it ebbs and flows.  Just when you think you have it nailed,  you turn around to find that you don’t.  One day you can bask fully in feeling you are enough and you are worthy and the next you can sense this elusive feeling slipping away.

There is a saying that we teach what we have come to learn.  Oh how true this is.

I often see my own struggles mirrored back to me by the women I work with.  I am in no way void of the difficulties and issues that my clients have.  I am human.  I am working and feeling my way through my own journey.

Recently I have felt totally blocked.  I could not put my finger on what it was or where it was coming from, but it was like my creativity and inspiration tap was turned off.  No motivation.  No new ideas.  After much soul searching and meditation, I came to realize that it was coming from a place of feeling unworthy. 

Who am I to put my writing out there for the world to see?  Who am I to coach other women?  Who am I to shine my light so brightly in the world? 

My coach and I did a meditation and exercise to try to get to the bottom of this feeling.   She asked me, “When was the first time you remember feeling unworthy?”   Immediately I saw myself, 5 years old, sitting on the bathroom floor at our house.  My mom was changing the bed that I shared with my sister because I had, yet again, wet the bed.  I felt embarrassed and unworthy.  I was recovering after having been in a cast from my chest down to my toes on my left side for many weeks.  I had reconstructive hip surgery.  At the age of 5 I had to be re-potty trained.  My 5 year old self did not register that this was part of the healing process.

After this session I did not trust that this memory could have anything to do with my feelings of unworthiness.  I just didn’t seem like that big of a deal or that profound an experience.  My 44 year old self could not fathom had this could be so important.   Fast forward a couple of weeks to a Reiki training I was participating in.  My teacher was doing Reiki on me.  Afterwards she told me that she felt stuck energy in my lower back, around L5.   She said her sense was that there was something stuck  there that happened around age 5.  Well, given that she knew nothing of what I had experienced with my coach, I decided that I should have in fact trusted my memory and what came up for me.

What I have learned is that our feelings of unworthiness can have deep roots.  As young children we do not have the discernment to know what constitutes an event worthy of life long feelings of unworthiness. 

We feel what we feel and that can become part of our belief system.

I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to realize what I had internalized and work to heal that.  I can see now that there was no reason to feel unworthy.  I was just a little girl who was going through a lot.

I share this because I talk with women all the time who struggle with self-worth, loving and accepting themselves.  I believe that knowing we are not alone and that we all fight the same battles can be reassuring and healing.  I feel grateful that the days where I know I am enough and worthy of deep, nurturing self-care are now much more numerous than those when I do not.  I wish you well on your journey to self-love and worthiness.  Please know that you are worth it and you are enough.

“Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, ‘No matter what gets done and how much is left is undone, I am enough.” – Brene Brown

Love and light.

Angie

 

 

 

Sometimes You Just Have to Say Fuck It! And That's Okay.

March 21, 2015

I have always believed that I have to work hard and bust my ass to be successful.  (Success, in this case, meant financial and professional gain.)  Being still and allowing myself significant down time was never part of my reality. 

I have been more comfortable and at ease when I am busy and distracted. 

In the last couple of years I have worked hard to create a life in which I practice engaging in just “being” on a daily basis.  I teach this tool to the women I coach.  I really thought I had it mastered.  I have an established daily self-care ritual that I am pretty consistent with.  I meditate.  I do yoga.  I journal.  I thought I had it all figured out.  Boy, was I mistaken!  The month of March has taught me a whole new level of “being” 

“We are human beings, not human doings”.  Yogi Bhajan

Work slowed down considerably.  I wasn’t traveling.  I found myself feeling a little lost.  While I am completely comfortable being quiet and contemplative for an hour or two a day, all day every day with no defined work schedule is foreign to me.  At first I found myself feeling panicked about how to fill the days.  I scrambled to find various ways to stay busy.  Otherwise, I felt like I was being lazy.  I felt guilty.  Then, the insanely charged feminine energy of March took over.  (For those of you that don’t follow astrology, March is a month full of crazy energy and power) 

I went from being in go mode to feeling called to walk in the woods, read and just hang out.  At first my mind (the seat of my ego) fought this.  I would have thoughts running through my head that sounded something like:  You’re lazy.  This isn’t going to help you with supporting your family.  You should be working on your business. 

My heart, my soul felt: Peace. Contentment. Freedom.  Connection.  Creativity.

The battle between my mind and my heart raged on for a few days until one day I finally said, “Fuck it!!!”.  I deserve some down time.  I deserve and need to do things that feed my heart and soul.  I crave deep self-care and re-connection.  I desire to follow my intuition and not my ego driven mind.  So that is exactly what I did.  I went for long snowshoes in the woods.  I sat on the porch and soaked up the spring sunshine.  I met my sister-friends for coffee and connection.  I read.   

I allowed myself to hit the re-set button.

Gifting myself those two weeks of radical self-care, gentleness and lack of judgment has given me a new, rejuvenated feeling of energy and flow.  I feel more alive, more creative, more plugged in and ready to get shit done.  As I move into this phase of creation and moving my business forward, I will focus on balancing the masculine and feminine energies in my life.  Allowing time for movement, ritual, reflection and connection, while at the same time checking items off my to-do list.  I now realize that there will never truly be balance, per se.  Some weeks, days or hours will be  more about play and self care, while others will be more about the task oriented, logistical, pieces of running my business.

And you know what, that is okay! 

I encourage you to just say fuck it sometimes.  Gift yourself a week, a day or even an hour (if that is all you have) of play.  Walk in nature. Dance.  Garden. Sing.  Do some of whatever makes you feel alive, connected and free.  While your mind may try to tell you that you are wasting time, I assure you that you are not.  Feeding your heart and soul will stoke the fire.  You will have more energy.  You will be more creative.  You will fall in love with your life.  And who doesn’t want that?

Why I Know You Can Manifest Your Dreams.

March 16, 2015

"While intent is the seed of manifestation, action is the water that nourishes the seed.   Your actions must reflect your goals in order to achieve true success"  - Steve Maraboli

As I sit here listening to the waves crashing in I am reminded that all things are possible.  No dream is too big or too far out of reach.  You simply need to want it bad enough and be willing to take steps in the direction of your desires.   The voice that will inevitably start chattering in your head that says things like;  that is impossible or you can't do that, is full of shit.  It is just your ego (fear) trying to hold you back. 

You can bring into your life whatever you want if you are willing to get crystal clear on what that is and have faith that the universe will deliver it to you.

 Does that mean you can simply write it in your journal or paste it on a vision board and it will magically come to you one day?  Unfortunately not!   What it does require is that you do one or the other of those things and then start taking some sort of action in that direction and trust that it will happen in diving timing.  Timing, this is a difficult one for me.  I am not a patient being.  I want what I want and I want it yesterday.  However, that is not how the universe works.  Sorry, I know that is a bummer.

How do I know it to be true that your dreams can come true?  

I have seen it in my life over and over again.  It has probably happened in your life as well, you just haven't been paying close enough attention to witness it.  I will give you an example from my own life.

About a year and a half ago I returned from a retreat in Maui with a some very clear objectives that came straight from my soul.  One of these was to incorporate self care and deep connection with myself into my life in a BIG way.  The other was to leave my job for something new that would give me more freedom, less stress and the ability to create my own business.

Fast forward to today.

As I write this I am sitting on the beach in Costa Rica where I am on vacation with my family.  Can you say less stress and more freedom?   Last year I left my job (and career of 17years)  for a slightly less time consuming job, only to be laid off two months later.  You are probably wondering how that could lead to a happy ending.  Let me explain.  Shortly after being laid off,  a consulting job literally landed in my lap that is super flexible and allows me to create my own schedule. (Again, more freedom, less stress and time to create)  Lastly, I have created my soul's business in which I have the pleasure and honor of supporting and guiding women as they explore how to make self-care and connection with themselves a priority.

How AMAZING is that?

I don't want to give you the impression that this dream building has been without bumps, bruises, twists and turns.  There have been plenty!  But through it all I had faith that it would all unfold the way it was supposed to.

I pushed through LOTS of fear,  resistance and plenty of impatience to come to this place where I feel so much ease and flow in my life.

I realize that this is temporary as well.  Change and growth are part of life.

I have BIG plans for my life and my work here on this planet.   It will include lots of travel and sharing my story, love and light with the world.  Most importantly I am creating ways to be sure that women around the world see self-care and their relationship with themselves as a necessity and not just a luxury.   I know there will be lots of stepping into fear and moving through resistance.  Luckily, I am SO ready for that and excited to see what comes next!

What are your BIG dreams?

What do you desire in your life?

What are some of the ways you can get really clear about your dreams and desires?

I encourage you to contemplate these questions.  Write the answers down.  Create a beautiful vision board.  Most importantly, start taking small steps towards what  you REALLY desire.  

The Universe is listening and waiting for you to declare it.  Go ahead and put it out there!

I would love to hear what your dreams are and how you plan to make them come true.  Please share in the comments below if you feel inspired to do so.

Much love - Angie

Being a Young Women is Not Easy!

March 16, 2015

The following is an excerpt from a journal entry I wrote about a year ago.  Many times in the last year I have felt the need to share it.  I finally gave in!  As I was retyping it, I realized that this could just as easily be about grown women, but at the time (and now) I was bothered by the culture of separation and unkindness I was seeing among young women.  Feel free to replace young women with grown women if that resonates with you! 

Young women are getting the impression through social media that in order to matter they need to be perfect.  They need to be skinny, outwardly “pretty” and in competition with each other.   Instead of a spirit of sisterhood, a spirit of meanness often prevails.   A majority of young women are leading their lives from a place of lack.

 I am not good enough. 

 I am not skinny enough. 

 I am not smart enough.  

This list could go on and on.

This feeling of fear and lack is what leads many to compare themselves with others.  How can they be happy for, or want to support their friends/sisters when they are not happy within themselves.  I believe that much of the mean girl/bullying mentality that is prevalent today (and for as long as I can remember) is the manifestation of a lack of self-love and self respect.

I refuse to believe that all these young women who are bullying and belittling others are inherently bad or evil.  I believe that many are so uncomfortable in their own skin that they put others down and belittle others in an attempt to make themselves feel more important or more whatever it is that they are lacking.  Instead of being able to speak from their heart about not feeling like enough or being able to be vulnerable with their friends and family, they turn to what they see around them on television and social media.  All you have to do is watch any “reality TV” show to know what I am talking about.  

Our society teaches young people to guard their hearts and not show their feelings.  

Being vulnerable is seen as weakness.  

 This has created a social environment in which kids and adults lead their lives with their thinking minds (which has been influenced and molded by our culture) instead of their heart.

Young women need to be shown how to love themselves for who they are, in each and every moment. 

 Each one of us was put on this earth for a reason.  Simply by being here we are enough.  Each one of us represents a drop of the divine and infinite potential.  

When young women can feel love for themselves, when they can befriend their own soul, when they feel comfortable in their own skin, they will be in a place to better support each other.  

Living from a place of love, young women will be able to see the perfection in others no matter how different they are.  Women of all ages require meaningful relationships with other women/girls in order to thrive and feel supported.

Our “tribe” is our support system. 

Girls need to be shown at an early age that they can choose to surround themselves with a likeminded, uplifting circle of friends..  In an environment where we are living from a place of love and not fear there is no need for jealousy or envy.  

When we realize we are all perfect and we are all doing the best we can in each moment, it is easier to show gratitude and love to others.

Who wouldn’t want to live in that kind of world? Middle School and high school don’t have to be places of division and bullying.  I believe it can change.  I believe it all starts with a knowing that we are good enough just the way we are.  As part of my self-care revolution I vow to find ways to bring the concept of self-love and self-care into schools. 

 The Dali Lama said, “The Western Women will save the world”.  

I believe that women as a whole will save the world.  What better way to bring this to fruition than to start engaging in self-love and sisterhood!

Is Your J.O.B. Defining You?

March 16, 2015

“As I become who I am meant to be, what I am meant to do will fall like a path of roses before me.  And talents I don’t even know that I have, that lie latent within me, will emerge as I surrender more deeply to love.” – Marianne Williamson

Wow!  This is such a powerful and true statement.  It pretty much sums up my personal journey over the last couple of years.  When I first got the feeling that something was amiss in my life and my career, I remember thinking, what will I do?  What jobs could I possibly find after being in the same field for so many years?  My panic around leaving my job didn’t center around personal or spiritual growth, though truth be told, that was already happening as well, it was focused on my occupation.  My focus was on my J.O.B, which at the time I was confusing with my calling.  I now realize that they are two completely different things.  But, back to 2013….  When I saw the advertisement on one of my favorite blogs for a one-week retreat in Maui, I was intrigued.  When I saw that one of the topics we would be covering was discovering your purpose, I was sold!  I thought, yes, someone could help me define what I am meant to do.  I fully expected to come home knowing exactly what job I could find that would allow me to leave my current position.  Well, as I am sure you have already figured out, that isn’t how it went.  We did do work centered around  purpose in Maui.  The difference was, the purpose we were exploring ran much deeper than my  J.O.B.  It was about our soul’s purpose.  It was about what Caroline Myss would call our "soul’s contract".  I soon realized that defining who I was meant to be, not what I am meant to do was the first and most important step.  What I left Maui knowing was that my purpose revolved around connecting with myself and my higher power and embracing the love and gratitude that resulted from that.  And then, most importantly, sharing that love and gratitude with others.  (Thank you so much Mastin Kipp) 

Yikes!  Seems pretty vague, huh?  Oh and the other not so concrete tidbit I came home with was that whenever I got quite through yoga or meditation, I would get a nudge from heart, intuition and/or God that I should write a book.  This from someone who had never really enjoyed writing and was, frankly, terrified of it.  This was not really the concrete, this is the job for you, answer I was looking for.   However, as I have learned to use my purpose statement as a guide for making decisions, I have learned that it is not about the actual J.O.B.  It is about whether what I am doing is in line with who I am meant to be.  In my case, a healer, a light worker and someone who his deeply connected with myself and others.  As I have let go of the idea that my work defines me and embraced the idea that I get to define my life’s work, things have shifted immensely.  Just as Marianne Williamson so brilliantly pointed out, as I have discovered who I am meant to BE, it has become much easier and less draining to forge a new career path.  Actually, career is not really the best term.  It is more aptly titled my path to service and expression of my soul’s contract.  Remember when I said I kept getting a nudge to write a book?  Well, I have not started my book yet, but as you can see, I am writing and sharing my journey with all of you.  “Talents I don’t even know lie latent within me will emerge as I surrender more deeply to love”. – Marianne Williamson.   I am seeing the truth in this with my own experience.   My blog and coaching business have ignited a creative side that I have for my whole life assumed was non-existent.

You might be asking why I have felt the need to babble on to you about my own journey.  My intention in sharing my story is to peak your curiosity, to inspire you to take a look at your own experience.  Have you been confusing your J.O.B with your purpose?  Have you come to define who you are by your occupations or your roles?  If the answer to either of these is yes, I encourage, no I implore you, to do some digging on your own.  What might be your sacred contract?  Are you a healer?  Are you an artist?  Are you a change agent?  There are so many reasons for our being here.  What I had to come face-to-face with was this: Is my J.O.B in line with who I am meant to be?  That’s a big one!  It’s scary to think about what the next step might be.  I know it was for me.  But, I believe these are some of the questions worth asking and exploring.  I would love to hear what discoveries you make and what your next actions step is.  Share your journey in the comments below.

Much love - Angie

Check out Born Through Fire!

March 16, 2015

I am honored to have been interviewed for my friend Kaly McKenna's new podcast series Born Through Fire.  Kaly is an amazing women, mother, entrepreneur, Air Force pilot and so much more.  Kaly was inspired after her own tragedy and hard times to share the stories of women and how they have overcome and triumphed over the dark times in their lives.  Her podcast gives hope and support to those that are struggling by letting them know that on the other side of struggle their is joy and hope.  You can listen to my interview with her by clicking on the link below.  While you there go ahead and listen to some of the other amazing women's stories.  You are sure to be inspired!  If you have an a-ha moment or have thoughts you would like to share you can post them in the comments.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/10-radical-self-care-angie/id946784853?i=327771235&mt=2

Much love - Angie

A Letter To All Mamas Working Outside The Home

March 16, 2015

As a mom who has always worked outside the home and had my son’s in daycare, I have been prone to guilt.  I have wondered if they would wonder if I loved them fully.  I have wondered if they would think my job was more important than them.  I have pondered whether I will mourn the time I missed spending with them while I was at work, once then are grown and out of the house.  It is ironic that I would have these concerns given that my parents both worked full time and my sister and I were cared for most days by our nanny, Patsy.  It is funny that I still balk at using the word nanny.  I used to think it didn’t sound right because nannies are something associated with wealthy families.  I am now realizing that it doesn’t sound right to me because it does not reflect the relationship I had with her.  It is too impersonal.  From the time I was born Patsy was part of my family.  She would arrive before or soon after I woke up and leave when my parents got home at dinnertime.  She brought my sister and I to school and picked us up each day.  Many times people would mistakenly think she was our mother.  I know that as I got older I began to realize that my mom (or at least I perceived she did) had some guilt or regrets about the fact that I have always felt like I have a second mom.  I, however, feel so blessed to have had so much love.   I had three people to take care of me and guide me.  It has been interesting as a parent to now deal with this myself.   My kid’s situation is clearly different, they have had many caregivers, whereas I had only Patsy from when I was baby until high school, but I have had some of the same feelings.  

As someone who now sees the value in caring for myself and doing what lights me up, I honor so much my mom’s dedication to her career and her own life.  I never want her to feel guilt for working as much as she did.  It taught me such a valuable lesson.   It also gave me the opportunity to have another, amazing, loving person in my life.  How lucky am I?  As my whole family sat down to have dinner with Patsy  a few weeks ago to celebrate her 74th birthday all I could  think about was how grateful I am for my journey and all those that have been a part of it.  I thought to myself, I need to write a letter to all those mom’s who sometimes lay awake at night wondering if they are doing the right thing by their children.  Here is what I want to say:  If you are honoring your heart and doing what you are passionate about doing, your kids will feel that.    If you are working at a job that is not really your passion, but are doing it to take care of your kids, they will learn the value of hard working and doing for others.  They will know they need to be in daycare or with a sitter and they will be okay with it.  While they may not always enjoy it in the moment, they will grow to respect your work ethic and learn that it is important to pursue their own dreams.  Our children learn how to be in the world from us.  You are an amazing mom even if you can’t be around all the time.  What is most important is that you are putting yourself first which will only increase the amount of love you have to give to your kids and you family.  No matter if your desire is to stay at home, which is something I SO admire, or work outside the home, if you are following your heart and doing what you love, your kids will feel that.  Your kids will learn from you how to follow their intuition and desires.  What a gift to give to them and the world!


If this speaks to you and you would like to join the conversation about putting yourself first and creating a deeper relationship with yourself, please join me for a free, no sales pitch, webinar on Tuesday 12/2 at 8pm EST.  Simply click this link to register: http://webinarjam.net/webinar/go/13440/d0c9c3c22e

Much love - Angie

Making Peace With Fear

March 16, 2015

Making peace with fear.

There are so many things to fear in this world today.  Things like disease, war, our declining natural resources, and poverty.  I could go on and on.  These issues can cause us anxiety and uneasiness.   But the fears that I believe cause us the most pain and worry are the ones that exist within us.  Fears such as:  Am I loved?  Am I good enough? Am I a good mother, sister or friend? Am I good at my job? Am I living the life I desire to live?  These are the kinds of worries and fears that I see wreaking havoc in women’s lives, including my own.  I find that many times these types of doubts live under the surface.  They smolder in our being, never really being talked about or addressed, maybe even not being acknowledged.  Why would we ignore them?  We sweep them under the rug because they are HARD questions.  These are the ones that bring up all kinds of, excuse my language, shit!  To address these fears we need to dig into the past, assess the present and perhaps learn to let go of worrying about the future.  This is not work for sissies!  But I believe, no, I know, that it is work worth doing.  What I see with women in my life, including me at times, is that they/we often find it easier to gloss over the yucky, uneasy feelings that bubble up on occasion than it is to stop and examine them and spend time trying to figure out what they mean and why they are coming up. 

 I mastered the art of avoidance.   For years,  it was my way of being.  That is until my heart and soul were literally screaming for me to stop and listen. 

 What did that look like?  It looked like:  exhaustion, feeling resentful, sadness, physical illness and an overall feeling that my compass was WAY off.  I had most of the fears I mentioned, but lets take the example of, “Am I living the life I desire or was put on this earth to live?”   That is a BIG question.  I knew instinctively that the answer was a big fat NO!  But my mind could easily rationalize that I was being silly and somewhat selfish to want something different or bigger.  After all,  by outside appearances I had a perfect life.  I had a good paying, well-respected job, a supportive husband, two amazing healthy boys as well as a loving, supportive extended family.  My need to rationalize away my desires was all about fear.  I knew that what my heart and soul were asking for required massive change and upheaval.  This fear is what keeps so many of us stuck, unable to enact the change we know we need.  Well, I hate to say it, but you knew it was coming; we have to act in the face of fear.  “Fear is not your enemy.  It is a compass pointing you to the areas where you need to grow.” – Steve Pavina

I am not suggesting you need to take some massive life altering action right away.  What I am suggesting is that you at least listen to your heart’s desires. 

 Figure out what it is you really want or need and take some small action step in that direction.  I have used this quote before, but I just love it!   Steven Pressfield wrote, “Put your ass where your heart wants to be.  By that I mean if you want to paint, put your body in front of an easel.  If you want to write, sit in front of the keyboard”.  I believe that in any area of our life where we feel stuck, there is fear, and fear causes resistance.  I would encourage you to look into what your desires are, what your fears are and where you are encountering resistance.  These are the areas that require your attention.  This is where your work is.  Once you have identified them choose one area where you can enact change and take some sort of action in the face of fear and resistance.  When you finally do this, celebrate yourself and this victory!  In some way, honor yourself and the step you have taken.  This will help keep you on the path to transforming your life.

I am excited to hear from you how you are going to act in the face of fear and resistance.  I would also love to know how you plan on celebrating yourself when you do.  Please let me know in the comments below.

I will close with a quote from The War of Art, a book by Steven Pressfield.  “Most of us have two lives.  The life we live, and the unlived life within us.  Between the two stands resistance.”

Much love - Angie