Sometimes You Just Have to Say Fuck It! And That's Okay.

March 21, 2015

I have always believed that I have to work hard and bust my ass to be successful.  (Success, in this case, meant financial and professional gain.)  Being still and allowing myself significant down time was never part of my reality. 

I have been more comfortable and at ease when I am busy and distracted. 

In the last couple of years I have worked hard to create a life in which I practice engaging in just “being” on a daily basis.  I teach this tool to the women I coach.  I really thought I had it mastered.  I have an established daily self-care ritual that I am pretty consistent with.  I meditate.  I do yoga.  I journal.  I thought I had it all figured out.  Boy, was I mistaken!  The month of March has taught me a whole new level of “being” 

“We are human beings, not human doings”.  Yogi Bhajan

Work slowed down considerably.  I wasn’t traveling.  I found myself feeling a little lost.  While I am completely comfortable being quiet and contemplative for an hour or two a day, all day every day with no defined work schedule is foreign to me.  At first I found myself feeling panicked about how to fill the days.  I scrambled to find various ways to stay busy.  Otherwise, I felt like I was being lazy.  I felt guilty.  Then, the insanely charged feminine energy of March took over.  (For those of you that don’t follow astrology, March is a month full of crazy energy and power) 

I went from being in go mode to feeling called to walk in the woods, read and just hang out.  At first my mind (the seat of my ego) fought this.  I would have thoughts running through my head that sounded something like:  You’re lazy.  This isn’t going to help you with supporting your family.  You should be working on your business. 

My heart, my soul felt: Peace. Contentment. Freedom.  Connection.  Creativity.

The battle between my mind and my heart raged on for a few days until one day I finally said, “Fuck it!!!”.  I deserve some down time.  I deserve and need to do things that feed my heart and soul.  I crave deep self-care and re-connection.  I desire to follow my intuition and not my ego driven mind.  So that is exactly what I did.  I went for long snowshoes in the woods.  I sat on the porch and soaked up the spring sunshine.  I met my sister-friends for coffee and connection.  I read.   

I allowed myself to hit the re-set button.

Gifting myself those two weeks of radical self-care, gentleness and lack of judgment has given me a new, rejuvenated feeling of energy and flow.  I feel more alive, more creative, more plugged in and ready to get shit done.  As I move into this phase of creation and moving my business forward, I will focus on balancing the masculine and feminine energies in my life.  Allowing time for movement, ritual, reflection and connection, while at the same time checking items off my to-do list.  I now realize that there will never truly be balance, per se.  Some weeks, days or hours will be  more about play and self care, while others will be more about the task oriented, logistical, pieces of running my business.

And you know what, that is okay! 

I encourage you to just say fuck it sometimes.  Gift yourself a week, a day or even an hour (if that is all you have) of play.  Walk in nature. Dance.  Garden. Sing.  Do some of whatever makes you feel alive, connected and free.  While your mind may try to tell you that you are wasting time, I assure you that you are not.  Feeding your heart and soul will stoke the fire.  You will have more energy.  You will be more creative.  You will fall in love with your life.  And who doesn’t want that?